Decisions, Decisions...

Iain, our Support Manager, reflects on the dilemma of making difficult choices...

Have you ever made a decision you’ve later regretted? Whether it’s enviously eying-up your friend’s delicious looking tiramisu when you’ve ordered the rather underwhelming cheesecake*, or something more serious, I’m willing to bet most of us have at some point felt ‘I got that one wrong’.

*Feel free to insert your own choice of fantastic/underwhelming desserts here!

One (albeit very unimportant) decision I distinctly remember getting wrong as a child occurred when I was on holiday with my parents. My Dad had taken me to visit a castle somewhere and we had climbed a tall tower up a long spiral staircase. In the room at the top there was the elaborate mechanism of a huge mechanical clock, whose clockface was on the outside of the castle wall. It was shortly before 12 noon and my Dad told me that when the clock struck 12, we’d get to see all the cogs, gears, chains and bells whirring round as the clock struck 12. However, I decided in my 5 year-old wisdom that I would rather head back down the tower and watch the clock from the outside “so I can see the clock’s hands move”. My dad tried to convince me that wouldn’t be nearly so impressive – but I wasn’t to be deterred. We climbed back down and stood on the grass outside looking at the clock whose hands of course barely moved at all. I remember feeling really disappointed. My Dad managed to resist saying “I told you so” but did refuse to hang around another hour until the next time the clock struck.

As decisions to regret go, it’s not one that has impacted my life significantly. However, it is one that has stuck in my head and that I do think about from time to time. Making big decisions is often really hard – and there’s usually more at stake than missing a clock mechanism whir into action or being a bit disappointed with your pudding. So how do we approach these dilemmas? How do we settle on a choice when the stakes are high and we may not know the long term consequences?

There’s some sensible pointers here of course. Being informed is always helpful – knowing the pros and cons of each choice – being able to weigh up the likely outcomes of each option. However at times, the level of information in itself can be overwhelming or the possible choices so multiple, that it can end up being almost paralysing.

Getting some sensible advice is also another good option. The wise counsel of others can be really helpful and at best enables you to reflect on things or see them from a different perspective. The viewpoint of someone who has been through a similar situation previously can be reassuring and comforting. However, it's worth remembering that advice can at times be contradictory or informed by opinions or values we don’t necessarily share.

Choosing not to overly dwell on decisions may also at times be a helpful strategy. Just decide and get on with it! Don’t worry about things we can’t affect or control.  Focusing on the minutiae of any decision and the maybe or maybe not consequences is exhausting and not always helpful. But equally making rash, spur of the moment choices, particularly about serious decisions without considering the consequences, isn’t advisable either.

So what to do? Personally, the really big decisions in my life have usually involved God at some stage. I’ll admit that most of the time, I could have involved Him sooner! It tends to only be when I realise that I’m getting a bit stuck that I remember that I don’t have to go through these things on my own. Talking to God about a big decision doesn’t remove our agency or choice in the matter and I have yet to have had a time when God has sent me a direct answer by writing something across the sky! However, I have found that praying through a dilemma has helped bring answers in other ways. I perhaps become more perceptive to hearing and seeing the way I should go. I’ve found nearly all of the time, that God whispers rather than shouts.  I have also discovered that for me at least, afterwards, God gives me a real sense of peace – even when from an outside point of view, the decision may not make sense. A reassurance that things will be OK even if there’s difficult times or disappointment to get through first.

Lastly, it’s worth remembering that no decision is the end of the story. There is always another chapter (and more decisions!) ahead. Whilst we may not always make the wisest choices, it serves no-one well to dwell on past decisions we can’t change. Much better that we look forward to what is to come. God is in the business of new starts, new directions and new growth – and nothing, even our poorly judged decisions, is ever wasted.

I always thought that one day I’d go back and visit the castle clocktower again. Maybe one day I will – and get to see the clock mechanism work (although I doubt it’ll be that impressive if I’m honest!). But perhaps that’s not the point. That decision is in the past. Instead I can look forward with confidence that even when the path is uncertain, I have the wisest counsel and the greatest assurance I could ever hope for.

Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. 

See, I am doing a new thing!    

Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?

I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.

Isaiah 43: 18-19